The only “deity” I am really close to is the Mother Earth, and she seems to be sleeping. The trees I have become friends with over the past couple years are now sleeping, too. Their only communication with me comes in the form of sympathy from their roots. They dream, while I cannot. I don’t think humans were meant to be out every day in the snow and ice and frigid cold. We should be holed up in our homes with reserves of food, like the squirrels, but of course we cannot.
I have been having rather bad luck, and as I look back, I have realised that every year I am stuck in this same struggle. I become depressed, as it becomes harder and harder to go outdoors. I watched the flowers die in fall, and now I mourn them. I know i should not. It isn’t very pagan like at all. I think that explains all the bad luck. I am fighting the progression of nature, instead of embracing it. Still, in times where simply staying warm and waiting it out is an approach that is out of the question, I’m left feeling bitter and resentful.
I pray. What else can I do? My cards only read of nonsense. I study, and occasionally the words will inspire me, but when I go to put them into any action, I am fatigued and even disillusioned. I made an amulet, which is meant to represent the light and the shadow, giving me the best of both worlds. It keeps falling off from around my neck.
Is there any advice out there?


Come, share in my study

I’m reading this book at the moment, and this quote is a good description of what I believe and think about often. It’s why I believe magick works, why plants have certain attributes and things they are good for, medically and magically, and why totem animals have specific messages to us.

“If the world is a living being we are as much part of it as are the beasts, the plants, the fungi, trees and stones. Whichever life form we encounter can be seen as an extension of ourselves (and vice versa), aspects of a vast, multi-personal self that includes all participants in a single Gestalt. This makes all living beings close relations, and considering the DNA coding, this claim is not religion but biology. Thus, the interaction of one life form with another can be understood as communication of self with self.”

Visual Magick, a manual of freestyle shamanism by Jan Fries

The book in its entirety is not a reflection of by beliefs but it has some excellent information and ideas that are quite useful. I’ve been enjoying it.

Alternative Take on Reincarnation

One thing about me is, I tend to philosophize a great deal in my mind for no reason, without intention. Sometimes I daydream about places I’d like to go or things I want to do and other times I leisurely ponder the meaning of life. My philosophy on philosophy is that it’s not meant to prove anything. I write and study things of a philosophical nature only because I enjoy it. Here I’ll share some of my thoughts in hopes that someone else out other might enjoy reading them.
Until recently I have leaned towards a belief in reincarnation in the way it is commonly understood. That is where one soul leaves a body upon death and enters another after an unknown or nonexistent amount of time. Lately, I have been reconsidering this notion.
I don’t think our souls are unique structures that remain in tact through death and rebirth. I do believe we all are made up of physical matter as well as spiritual matter. However, perhaps it is that when we die the spirit matter we are made of travels in many different directions, separating what we believe makes us, us as transcendent beings. Basically, it returns to the universe to be reused. It is energy, it does not remain stagnant. It is constantly flowing, swirling, and changing. Merging with other energy along the way. Some of it may then enter new consciences. So yes you can say that some of your soul or spirit matter has lived before in a past life and will live again, but not all of you is retained. Furthering this theory, I believe spirit matter is affected and changed by many things. Birth, love, loss, trauma, war, and death; especially untimely or violent death, all can make a permanent impression on the spirit. This is why small children seem to remember living and dying in a past life, and when they do it is usually something traumatic or some unfinished business that they remember. Such things make a powerful impression on Spirit. Some people have a strong connection to the history of their spirit and some do not. I think it is possible for two people living at the same time to have the same past life experiences remembered, because they both hold spirit matter that belonged to this consciousness. In fact we are all connected on the spiritual realm for we all have shared and recycled this spirit matter, just as we all share atoms. If the Big Bang happened in the physical world it also happened in the spiritual world. All was one and then expanded.
As a side note, I am an animist so it is in my general belief system that all things have spiritual essence, not just human beings. However as human beings our level of consciousness is unique, therefore makes a powerful impression on spirit matter. After life and death, our spiritual bodies return to the “spirit of all”, where all life is connected, where spirit matter is recycled and given to new sources of consciousness.
Another notion I have considered here is that spirit matter must retain emotional bonds and so a portion of spirit from a particular consciousness will stick by loved ones that are still around. Or even merge with that which is universal spirit, or the heavens, or God, to watch over and protect loved ones.
The last theory I came to think of here, is kind of off topic but still an interesting thing to think about. At least I think so. I have come to believe, for now, that true spirit , spirit passed on from consciousness to consciousness, is not and hasn’t anything to do with what we call ghosts. Ghosts are apparitions seen at the sight of a death or place a now deceased person frequented in life, or a haunted location of any sort. This phenomena I attribute to psychic imprint. Working with magic you come to realize that almost anything can be done with the right amount of energy and intention. It isn’t a stretch to say that enough energy could be left behind from a life to still exist after death. This apparition, or ghost, is not the person who left it behind, but an imprint of their life; their personality, dreams, intentions, goals, experiences, thoughts, and so on, left by them on this realm. Some hauntings may also be otherworldly beings, appearing from beyond our own realm. Even more so I suspect that ghosts sightings are frequently caused by living persons, either as astral bodies or by the forming of a fetch (a mentally formed, magically animated entity).*

* Definition took directly from The Goodly Spellbook by Dixie Deerman and Steven Rasmussen

Have anything to add, or reasons you disagree? Comments welcome. Thanks for reading.

Grey St.

A poem~ by Fey Spring

Everything becomes dingy.
Over time all memories will hold
on this place like rotting plaque.
The patterns in my eyes begin to fade away,
as my sight perverts the outer workings
of street lights and vacant buildings
into the mere details of a darker era , come my way.

Five months ago I could’ve sworn,
these familiar sights were barely worn,
and showing signs of idealistic hope.
Such romantic notions
have now grown old.

By Fey Spring

Magickal Afterglow: a poem

I wrote this on the 21st of July, 2013

Tarry here.
It’s that feeling,
that weirdness,
poetic, enchanting,
insanity, probably.
I plead for it to stay with me,
elating me
even as it fades,
more than a figment in memories,
a crack between the astral planes.
Still unexplainable,
it pains me
that I can’t convey properly,
The strangeness,
The color of my soul
flashes in a moment.
An intrinsic tone-
true to the nature of my own,
as it comes and as it goes,
I am left curious, in the afterglow.